


Love Rods and Other Objects

by GhostCrumpet



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Morning Sex, bad euphemisms for sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:07:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostCrumpet/pseuds/GhostCrumpet
Summary: Johnny's been feeling a bit queasy, and the Super Schmucks are making his 'thing' with Darcy harder than it should be.For the April 2017 Crack Smut Darcyland Challenge.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aenaria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aenaria/gifts).



> Happy birthday Aenaria!!! :D

“Morning, boys,” Johnny said cheerfully as he ambled into the common room of Stark Tower, where the coffee was already brewing, and a heap of pancakes made by one seriously zen Dr. Banner was waiting on the counter-side. Johnny wasn’t there for the pancakes, but instead was under strict orders to procure coffee for his girl, and the leftovers of her dessert from the night before.

A set of identical murder-glares greeted him instead, as Steve and Bucky sat at the counter on barstools, slowly eating away at a heap of pancakes each. Johnny paused at the coffee machine and eyed them up, before turning away to grab a mug.

“.... _ love stick _ …”

The word was muttered, barely audible, and he thought he was mistaken until he heard a low snicker, and then a voice, definitely belonging to Barnes say,

“... _ honeypot _ …”

Steve made chuckling noise. The two of them had obviously either been hanging out around the apartment door last night, listening in on his patent-pending love talk, or maybe that super soldier hearing was better than he’d assumed. Johnny poured his girl a coffee, mixing in creamer and sugar just the way she liked it before speaking to the mug,

“It’s not nice to eavesdrop on other people,” he commented.

“Eavesdropping, you hear that, Steve? Back in our day we called it droppin’ eaves,” Bucky drawled, as Johnny turned away from the counter and took a slow sip of Darcy’s coffee. The two super soldiers had adopted a set of matching faux-bored poses, and while they may have been cracking jokes at his expense, there was nothing amused in their expressions. Johnny figured he was two seconds away from being 1940’s-murdered. Darcy had mentioned something about their overprotective, big-brotherly nature. She had not mentioned what had happened to Fred down in Acquisitions. Natasha had just sent Johnny a warning text with a picture attached. Message received.

“Back in our day, we wore shirts to breakfast,” Steve said in a flat voice, eyeing up Johnny’s shirtless situation.

“Well this is a nice stroll through memory lane, but I’m not staying. I got my girl’s honeypot to see to,” he said as he pushed off from the counter. Bucky made a low growling sound, echoed by Steve but Johnny just gave them one flaming, middle finger, and skated out of the common room before either man could rip it off.

With a murmured command to Jarvis a few minutes later to not let the Murder Puppies into Darcy’s apartment, he swanned into the bedroom to find the girl of his fantasies flat on her back and snoring. That would not do. He set her coffee down, kicked off the loose sleep pants he’d worn out into the common area, and snuck under the covers beside her, nuzzling up to the side of her neck.

She made a soft, sleepy sound, and turned, curling her arm around his waist and pulling her nose into the middle of his chest. His stomach gave a funny little twist, must’ve been hungry or something, and he lost his fingers into her loose curls.

“Wake up, Babe,” he said, planting a kiss on her forehead, which wrinkled under his lips as she grumbled at him but huffed into wakefulness.

“Mmm, wassat,” she asked, her eyes cracking open. “Coffee?”

“Gotta pay the delivery boy first,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. Her lips were chilled, and minty-fresh. She’d gotten up to brush her teeth while he’d been out being stared down by the Misery Twins, then fallen asleep waiting for his return.

“Mmmm, kisses are good,” she mused, her eyes dreamy as she looked at him, and his stomach twisted again, and he kicked himself mentally for not having brought her leftovers. He clearly needed a good meal. The girl in his arms was hell bent on distracting him from his stomach, however, as the kiss deepened and her tongue slipped over his lower lip. He moaned, like a  _ girl _ , and rolled her underneath him. “But coffee,” she protested, reaching out for the bedside table in vain. He caught her hand in his, and pinned it down to the sheets, kissing along the side of her neck.

“Pay up, coffee isn’t free,” he said into the crook of her shoulder, inhaling the sleep-sweet scent of her skin. She moaned and struggled for another moment, but then her thighs slipped apart underneath him.

“It’s free in the common room,” she tried to argue, but she was naked, and would be slick already he knew, if he slipped a hand down between her legs. He let his hips drop down between her knees and then he scooped up, grinding his cock into her folds and taking no small amount of delight at the way her eyes fluttered shut. “Mkay, do you take sex as a payment option?” she breathed out, her nails already coursing down his back.

“Babe it’s the only currency that matters,” he replied as he bent to kiss her again, his hands finding her breasts and slowly encircling them with his palms.

“Mmm, do the warm thing,” she urged, and even though he wanted to laugh at her, she looked so blissed out that all he could do was comply, warming up his hands until she was squirming under him. He stroked his thumbs across her nipples and she sighed, lazily lifting up a hand to stroke through his hair. “S’good, soooo good,” she murmured.

“You too sleepy?” he asked, hesitant because hell, she seemed half drugged. She shook her head and leaned up, closing her teeth on his shoulder gently as she rocked her hips up. He bit his lip hard when he felt her, so soft, and so wet, stroke along the head of his cock. Fuck. He was done. His arm slipped under the small of her back and he lifted her gently, holding her right where he needed her.

“Please,” was all she had to say. He watched her head fall back as he slid into her, a slow drag right to the hilt. Her tight heat clenched at him and he struggled not to press in deeper, knowing he had nowhere to go, and nothing else to give her. She was all hot kisses, and the bite of her nails into his shoulders as he held her right where he wanted her and took her.

Darcy’s breathing started out soft and slow, but he worked her until she was huffing out desperate little noises, her hips hitching against his arm as she tried to meet the pace of his thrusts. She was so good, pliant, and sweet, he didn’t think he’d last, so he snuck his free hand down between them, stroke once,  _ lightly _ , over her clit, and her back was bowing over his arm.

Her thighs shuddered around his hips, her teeth sank into her lower lip, and she cried out something that was a cross between his name and  _ coffee _ . Johnny didn’t care.

He just stared at her face, tight and frowning as she shivered through an intense orgasm that had her out of breath and red-cheeked. When he let her down, he was still hard inside her, and she smirked at him with sleepy eyes.

“Mmmf, good enough for me, nap now,” she said, with a yawn, and then made like she was about to squirm out from under him. The grinding motion of her slick muscles along his cock made him pin her in place.

“Oh hell no,” he retorted, his hands tight around her hips as he held her to the mattress. She half-whined, half-snickered at him, stretching her arms up above her head luxuriously and giving him that  _ look _ . The breath left his lungs and he bent, intent on ruining her for all the ways she wrecked him.

The headboard slammed into the wall again and again, and pretty soon she wasn’t laughing, but panting out his name, her toes locking down into the sheets. He kissed her, swallowing up the cry of her next orgasm as he came in a hot flash that rolled through his whole body.

He came back to himself, mouth pressed into the side of Darcy’s neck, her arms wrapped around him tight. He could still feel how wet she was, his flagging cock inside of her. He shifted his hips, testing her, and she whined.

“No more, I paid, I am paid up, for like, ten coffees,” she protested, squirming around with a low moan. He chuckled and pulled away, slipping free from her warmth, and then flopped down beside her. She mumbled some more protestations, and shifted around until she had spooned herself against him. The warm, muffled feeling in his gut sounded off again, and he reached for her coffee to take a sip. Maybe that would quiet the beast.

Before he could grab the mug, she’d tangled her fingers with his and gotten the coffee for herself, taking a slow, loud slurp before passing it to him.

“Nap now, more sex later?” she asked as he set the cup down. He would’ve answered, but she was breathing softly, asleep already, and it was all he could do to just watch her as she lay in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot, cannot write the crack.


End file.
